


What I wouldn't do (One Day One Shot)

by Mindscape_13



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: M/M, Zhanzhengxi jianyi sad death heartbreak hurt pain broken lie angst guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:48:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29721636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mindscape_13/pseuds/Mindscape_13
Summary: So, I found some old writing of mine and read over it. And thought, why not apply this to Zhengyi? And yes, your gonna cry, heads up😁 Cause as Blackbear said, I'm the Queen of broken hearts. Lol, just ignore that. I'm just feeling all kinds of weird 😅
Relationships: Jian Yi/Zhan Zhengxi (19 Days)
Kudos: 1





	What I wouldn't do (One Day One Shot)

One Day  
He Tian wasn't the only one that left. 

Jian Yi had left. He just up and disappeared two weeks later. Without a word or warning. And was declared dead a month later. And it tore Zhan Zheng Xi to pieces. There was no explanation to his death. Just a phone call from the pale blonde's mother to tell him Jian Yi had died of a freak accident. No why or how.

And the worst part was that he couldn't attend his burial. Mr Yi didn't want the likes of his kind there. 

He knew Zhengxi and Jian Yi were lovers.

Both Zhan Zheng Xi and Mo Guanshan who had lost their lovers, albeit differently, drifted apart over the years after that.  
And about three years later, Zhan Zheng Xi's mother and sister were murdered. The police couldn't find the killer and the case had went cold. This left the brunette broken. First the love of his life and now his family...

A year went past and Zhan Zheng Xi was barely holding on. But six months later, a ghost of his past showed up.

Jian Yi.

Zhan Zheng Xi couldn't believe it. He nearly fainted. But Jian Yi had reassured him that he was, infact not dead but very much alive. And after that night of intense, passion filled, lovemaking, Jian Yi explained why he wasn't dead.

Jian Yi told him that bad people were out to kill him so his father had him quickly taken away to a safe location. And faked his dead so that they wouldn't look for him anymore. But that also meant he couldn't come back for the next three years as he had to learn to protect himself. Also, that, the reason he was with Zhan Zheng Xi then was because he put an end to his father's reign. Because he found out that his father had hired men to kill Zhan Zheng Xi's family. And that made Zhan Zheng Xi break all over again. But Jian Yi was there to comfort him this time...

As months passed, the two lived together as a couple. They loved each other so much, anyone could see it from miles away. There didn't go a day by when Jian Yi didn't tell Zhan Zheng Xi how much he loved him. Everything was perfect. That was what it looked like on the surface. But beneath...

Jian Yi was drowning in guilt. 

A few months went passed and Zhan Zheng Xi dropped down to one knee one night in their little one bedroom house, and asked Jian Yi to spend the rest of his life with him. 

That's what it took for Jian Yi to cave. To confess his deepest darkest secret. 

He told Zhan Zheng Xi, that it wasn't his father who had Zhan Zheng Xi's mother and sister killed... It was him. He was the one who executed them. And his reason was because his father would have held Zhengxi's family over him to get Zhan Zheng Xi to do his bidding. He explained that he killed them for the sake of protecting Zhan Zheng Xi from any sort of blackmail. And that it was the hardest thing to do. He said that he didn't make them suffer...

Jian Yi watched as Zhan Zheng Xi took in what he said. He watched as it destroyed Zhengxi. Shame. Guilt. Self-loathing and regret burned inside of Jian Yi. Who knew he'd be the one to break the brunette so? Jian Yi waited for Zhan Zheng Xi to say something, anything... "Xixi?" He called out softly and that seemed to snap Zhan Zheng Xi out of whatever daze he was in.

Dulled blue grey eyes stared at him coldly and it penetrated Jian Yi's heart like sharp knife. "Why?" That question was spoken with cold contempt that seemed to chill Jian Yi's bones. "To protect you-" "Don't say that! How could you say that?! Don't you dare lie to me!" Zhan Zheng Xi yelled at him, a light sheen of tears coating those mercury eyes. "Xi-" "How could do that! How could you! Why the fuck did you do that?! To protect me!!!!" Zhan Zheng Xi yelled, hysterical. "It is the truth." He promised. And it was. "To protect me? And what?! You expect me to be grateful now? TO FORGIVE YOU?!" The bitterness in the brunette's tone shook him to the core. It was to be expected. He looked away from those orbs filled with hate directed towards him.

"No."

"Your so selfish!" Zhan Zheng Xi said softly, voice full of pain, he was hurting. And his pain brought tears to Jian Yi's eyes. "To protect me you took away my family! And you didn't even think his it would make me feel?" Zhan Zheng Xi said in a whisper filled with disbelief, shock, pain and heartbreak. So much pain and heartbreak. Jian Yi closed his eyes and hugged himself. He knew his actions would leave painful consequences. He didn't expect it to be this excruciating.

And he deserved every last bit of hate the brunette was showing him. "You say everything you did was for me. But your just a fucking liar! All of it was fucking lies!" Zhan Zheng Xi screamed, the hurt evident in his words... voice. Jian Yi swallowed with difficulty and risked looking at Zhengxi. Tears were rolling down paled cheeks. Though there were pain in those eyes, that glare directed at him could freeze hell over itself. And he didn't blame Zhan Zheng Xi one bit off hating him.

Even if what he had done was to protect the brunette before him, what right did he have to hurt him? "I never lied to you." He promised. Mercury eyes that blazed with hate and anger, narrowed. "And you expect me to believe you?" Jian Yi internally winced at the sarcastic tone and looked away again. "No." Zhan Zheng Xi let out a heartbreaking sob and he hated himself for it. 

"You said you would die for me! Can you say anything more heartwrenching?" Zhan Zheng Xi sneered at him and once again self-loathing crawled throughout his body. "I would." He swore and Zhan Zheng Xi laughed at that.

As if he just said something hilarious. 

"Then why didn't you just die! Huh? Instead of taking away what little sanity I have left, why didn't you let them kill you once and for all? I was finally learning to live without you, again. I was slowly learning to find myself! And then you return when I'm clinging onto what sanity I have left. Only to come and destroy that!" I'm sorry. But he doesn't say it.

He didn't deserve the brunette's forgiveness.

"Answer me!" Zhan Zheng Xi said broken-ly. "Wasn't it enough for that your fake death destroyed me? Wasn't me being irrevocably damaged by your supposed passing enough for you?" Zhan Zheng Xi asked him in a strained voice that squeezed his heart painfully. I'm sorry. "It wasn't, was it?" "That is not true." He choked out cause God it hurt to breathe!

"I don't believe that. Everything you did so far proved that." He looked up and silently pleaded to the brunette before him. "That is not true." Zhan Zheng Xi smiled at him then. A cruel smile. And he found it hard to believe it was directed at him. "No, Jian Yi. You broke me. Are you happy now?" How could the brunette ask him that? How could the brunette say that? But he knew this would happen. Knew no matter how he played his cards. Zhengxi he'll lose.

"You promised to protect me. And you know what, you should've been dead." Zhan Zheng Xi was condemning him to hell.

"You, I would die for. For you." And that seemed to pain Zhan Zheng Xi more. As if Jian Yi was driving a knife through his chest. Zhan Zheng Xi stared at him, a disgusted look in his eyes that made Jian Yi feel despicable. "It doesn't matter what you would do for me. Fact remains, that Thier blood is on my hands just like it is on yours." It is was Jain Yi's fault. And they both knew it, but that doesn't change anything.

And the cold truth sunk in when Zhan Zheng Xi looked at him as if he was staring at a stranger. "I always believed you would be the last person to ever harm me in anyway. Because how could you? You loved me as much as I loved you. You'd never...hurt me... How naive of me to have trusted you with my heart. My soul. Everything of me. How STUPID of me to have welcome you back into my life with open arms." Zhengxi said with a slow shake of his head. Happiness was a sweet poison. And love...the final kill. How did he not see that? How stupid of him to be so blind!

"Xix-" Mercury eyes blazed with fury. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL ME THAT OR SPEAK MY NAME!" The tension spiked ten times more between them. The distance between their hearts...even greater. And it was killing Jian Yi inside. Zhan Zheng Xi said he broke him. Yet he was tearing Jian Yi apart. "I want you gone." 

'No.' 

Mercury eyes held his as tears refused to fall from them. This was inevitable. "I never want to se you again." Words he knew Jian Yi would say. Words he feared coming from one person... Forgiveness was a price he couldn't pay. He knew that now. 

"Don't bother coming back into my life."

He held Zhan Zheng Xi's gaze steadily even when all he wanted to do was cower away. "Is that what you want?" He didn't have to ask. The look on Zhan Zheng Xi's eyes was a cold revelation. Again, he didn't blame Zhengxi one bit. He had dug his own grave. "Go to hell, Jian Yi." And those words were were the final nail in his coffin.


End file.
